got it to show up, but I did several things so not sure which one did it...
1) renamed my work item descriptions file to end with .wid instead of .conf.
2) created a new flow diagram which created a file ending with .rf, when this opened in the designer, my domain specific process was in the palette
3) closed the .rf file and went back to my already opened .bpmn file, the new process was not there
4) closed the bpmn file and reopened it, now the new process icon shows up