Re: [aerogear-dev] Post for jboss blog

It looks great! Here are my comments. - The following sentence needs to be rewritten. "Currently users count with extensive documentation to set up Unified Push Console." My guess is that the "with" should be "on". - The last word needs an "s". "This might sound exaggerated adulation, truth is I really do enjoy working with developer." Change "developer" to "developers". - Since you use "UPS" later on you need to add it the end of this sentence. "I've been given the challenge to redesign Aerogear Unified Push Console." Add on "(UPS)". - Is this correct? "Install a client code" In English the use of "a" indicates that it is a specific thing instead of programming code. It reads like I need to enter "352245". - Personally I feel that this sentence is demeaning to the user and the innuendo on the end is inappropriate for jboss.org "Yeah, we have high expectations from our users. It isn't an easy job, and we need to hold their hands and head them to a happy ending." But that just may be prudish nature. - Who do you intend to read this? If it is your intended user (of if you think your intended user may ever read it) the overall tone is demeaning to users. You are running the risk of pushing (no pun intended) users away. You start out calling them children, then say they are too dumb to follow your step to create it, then you say they do not enough attention and focus to use the tool. It is one thing for you to think that way, it is another to tell them to their face. To be clear, I am not on the Aerogear team. I'm just providing the perspective of a potential user. I also believe that you do not intend to offend, that is why I am offering this insight. - Consider rewording "We only count with a fraction of a seconds to make a good first impression and just a couple of seconds to grab their attention." to "We only have a fraction of a second to make a good first impression and just a couple of seconds to grab their attention." - Consider rewording "For UPS console" to "For the UPS console" - Please change "an" to "and" in "complete the 5 steps to get push notifications up an running. " - I am not sure but think you need a dash between "on bording" in "A successful on boarding strategy is like". - Consider rewording "As parents we need to encourage to teach themselves and learn their own way." to include a "them" here "to encourage them to teach". - Consider changing "Alan Coopers teach us that main goal of a UX design is to never make the user feel stupid." to "Alan Cooper teaches us that the main goal of a UX design is to never make the user feel stupid" (as a side note, he makes my point for me :P ) I mean not offense by my edits or comments. I think it great that you wrote this up. Keep writing (and coding/designing). Joshua Wilson ----- Original Message ----- From: "Andres Galante [via aerogear-dev]" <ml-node+s1069024n10770h85(a)n5.nabble.com&gt; To: "joshuaw" <jowilson(a)redhat.com&gt; Sent: Monday, February 2, 2015 10:24:37 PM Subject: [aerogear-dev] Post for jboss blog I wrote this for joboss blog: https://gist.github.com/andresgalante/32485438e2c64f2127ba I wanted to share before I send it in case someone has a few minutes to read it and send feedback. Thanks! Andrés _______________________________________________ aerogear-dev mailing list aerogear-dev(a)lists.jboss.org https://lists.jboss.org/mailman/listinfo/aerogear-dev _______________________________________________ If you reply to this email, your message will be added to the discussion below: http://aerogear-dev.1069024.n5.nabble.com/aerogear-dev-Post-for-jboss-blo... To start a new topic under aerogear-dev, email ml-node+s1069024n1h46(a)n5.nabble.com To unsubscribe from aerogear-dev, visit http://aerogear-dev.1069024.n5.nabble.com/template/NamlServlet.jtp?macro=...